To all of my Comrades in the People’s Army of Leftist Hippie Communists: The 2011 War on Christmas is officially over, troop withdrawals are to begin immediately. Remember to keep the leaving groups small as to not become overwhelmed with the smell of patchouli and butternut squash. Details on the War on Patriotism in July will soon be available.
I saw an ad for The Bachelor where it is literally just some chick standing alone and crying. That’s like doing a promo for a cooking show where you just show a bathroom stall with terrible sounds of agony coming out of it.
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The Trump debate is off. I am guessing it’s because it was a demeaning and stupid idea, but that’s just a shot in the dark. I’m not sure who was trying to convince the world that anyone other than the news media cares what Donald Trump says or thinks, but hopefully this will settle that. And it’s nice to see that the majority of the GOP candidates felt the same and had a little dignity. Not so fast, Mr. Gingrich and Santorum….we should see if they will just have a televised arm-wrestling match.
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Every word that comes out of Newt Gingrich’s mouth lately can be translated into the following sentences: “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. WHY did I let them talk me into this? It’s between Me and the good-looking, charismatic Bill Pullman-look-alike-family-man religious guy? They’re going to tear me apart. Start criticizing poor kids for being poor and start showing up to every debate in nothing but a gold moo-moo with a prostitute on one arm and a bottle of vodka in the other. That should do it.”
I don’t want to tell you how to run your grassroots campaign there, Mr. Political Strategist, but I’m not sure how much good you’re doing for the cause by scratching “Ron Paul for President 2012” on a toilet seat in a truck stop bathroom.
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Remember, at the height of the Glenn Beck fervor a few months back, how hard he was insisting that all of his fans invest in Goldline because of the oncoming apocalypse? He was getting paid to do so, as was Laura Ingraham and Mark Levin. Guess who had 19 criminal charges filed against them today for running a, “bait and switch operation”. Well, Goldline, of course. Totally didn’t see that coming.
The fact that I’m in New Jersey today and their governor decided not to run for President is completely coincidental. All I did was convince him that maybe he missed his calling in competitive dance, that’s all, the decision was his.
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I don’t believe that the death penalty should be legal in the United States, but probably for different reasons than many. It has nothing to do with the sanctity of life, morals, religion, empathy or compassion. The criminal justice system, and the fate of anyone put at the mercy of it, is always going to fall victim to the worst and best of the human psyche. Within any group of 12 people randomly picked out of the population, you will find some morally and intellectually sound individuals who are perfectly capable of deciding the fate of another citizen of their country accused of a crime. But, in that same group, you are going to have so much bias, jealousy, anger, resentment, bigotry and just plain low intelligence that they have no business deciding someone’s fate. I honestly think that someone with Attention Deficit Disorder should never be allowed on a jury. I think I have symptoms of it, and don’t think I’m qualified. (That’s not just a bullshit line to get out of playing Pictionary at a couples party, btw.)
If I knew, beyond any doubt, with a confession, that a person was guilty of murder, I would not, for a second, hesitate to pull the trigger on an execution. The world is better without the pond scum. But…We are flawed, therefore, the system is flawed. For the State to end someone’s life, it needs 100 percent certainty that the party is guilty. Without that, it’s just a lynch mob with fancy, European drugs to inject into someone in place of a hanging. The Death Penaly is, absolutely, unjust. Unjust. If a few idiots had their way, a member of the West Memphis 3 would have been executed a long time ago. (He was released a few weeks ago because he killed no one, after nearly 2 decades on death row)
The Death Penalty is a flawed idea. That Is That. Did Troy Davis commit that crime? It’s looking like No. But he will probably die at his government’s hand because of a glitch in the system. And to have the State end his life is a taste of pure evil that I don’t think should be part of the American palate. We are not Iran, friends. And I’m really proud that we aren’t like them. The cheers for executions at the CNN GOP debate the other night made me wonder about….well….what exactly is it that people in my own country believe in anymore. Is it justice and freedom? Justice that fits into my whacked out beliefs and freedom that doesn’t contradict my political ideology? I’ll be proud to be an American every night of the week until an innocent man is executed by his gov’t because they need to clear the docket. And Shame fills the room. (Take a hit; it’s the only legal high left, killer.)
I enjoy a good combination of words from time to time. Words like, “Executive Producer, Writer and Director, Louis C.K.”. If more people in Hollywood appreciated these words, we might still hear words like “Arrested” and “Development” in the same sentence again.
A music magazine or website can commission pollsters, music historians, researchers and experts of all kinds to create a comprehensive “worst songs in history” list. And they do. But: If the list doesn’t include I Can’t Tell You Why by The Eagles and Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Whoeverinthe**** the Girl Singer was, then, everyone involved in compiling said list should be fired, and possibly even smacked around a bit. After the amazing run that Elton John had with such classics from that period, that song has “excessive cocaine abuse” written all over it. In the same way that The Eagles had a “Shit. The girly bass player wants to sing one” written all over their tune. That’s a FACT.
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