Rantings

It’s cute how your dog doesn’t need to be on a leash. But when we’re 2 feet from a busy highway, your dog comes after mine, and they freak out and try to get off of their leashes, it ain’t cute at all. Walking that close to a highway with your animal not on a leash is animal abuse as far as I’m concerned, I don’t care if you’re the dog whisperer. Don’t apologize to me; Put your dog on a leash, you ignorant, lazy son of a bitch.

When a mining company ignored multiple warnings and 29 miners died because of it, I don’t want the CEO to step down. I want the CEO to be liable and face the consequences for his lack of action in a court of law. Being unemployed should not be the worst punishment for the man who “has been an outspoken critic of federal regulators…” which may have led to the worst mining disaster in decades.

I am convinced that the wild consumption of energy drinks will result in future children being born with multiple heads and possible tails. I’m drinking one right now and I looked at the ingredients. I think this recipe is a bit closer to paint thinner than Kool-Aid.

1.) Badness. The only way for a woman to be a star in the Republican Party? Be a completely psychotic and delusional person who is clearly mentally suffering from something very badly. This is unfortunate. Say it with me: Badness.
2.) Gullibility Defined: Listening to 60 minutes of a radio or tv host tell you how Obama is going to bring the economy to a complete meltdown, then listening to the same host speak as a spokesperson for a company that sells Gold that they say you must have for when the economy crashes. And then buying it. Say it with me: Gullible.

Message from me on a dating website. “Your picture in front of Liberace made me laugh like a son of a bitch. To remember that spelling I think, “Libe-Race”. Like a race of people from the land of Libe; Liberians. A bit close to Librarians; I’m not keeping score, and I damn sure hope you’re not. How do you feel about jelly beans? I feel very strongly, you must know. How about Howard the Duck? Be honest”

My response to a comment from a wall post about the evil of guns: “The world would be better without guns, but that’s not reality. And I’ve seen enough of human nature to know if we didn’t have guns, people would be killing each other with plastic sporks/pocket knives; as long as we have people, we’ll have killing. An idiot doesn’t need a gun to kill someone, they just need the willingness to do it”

I listen to NPR, but the dullness is sometimes worse than a toothache/bee sting combined. I realize this when they are well into a lengthy report about the plight of the Egyptian Sandbelly Beetlecat, followed by an oboe and finger cymbals concerto. They close out the hour with a story about a small group of indigenous people who have developed a currency fashioned out of ants and a 35 minute report about Soap.

Many Conservatives of today have a unique way of dealing with a loss of power. They start militias and stockpiles of weapons. There is nothing more deadly than an idiot with a gun, only maybe a group of idiots with guns. When you fan these flames, you get closer and closer to another Oklahoma City. Dumb+Angry+Scared=Mass Murder. It’s the same formula that Al-Qaeda uses, patriots. Call it hyperbole; I call it history.

I just watched footage of Amy Winehouse at the Fender Strat celebration show from 2005. That’s an insanely good talent she’s wasting.

People will enjoy watching these famous cats destroying themselves (which is their choice, I have no sympathy), but when they die, all we hear is synth strings and tearful recollections; we don’t hear the million late night jokes, a million awful embellished headlines and a million, dehumanizing mean-spirited pictures shot right up women’s dresses. (if you’re a kid and you take a picture up someone’s dress, you get in serious, ass-beating-style trouble. If you’re a celebrity photographer, you get a big check. Pricks.)
It’s fun for a big portion of the population to watch somebody die…until they are dead. Then we’ll watch the funeral pay per view. We’ll talk about all the talent wasted; all the songs left unsung….boo hoo. You know why it works this way? It’s because it’s profitable to make fun of them when they are living, and it becomes profitable to squeeze every dime out of their corpse that they can after they cash in their beer tickets. I have no sympathy for these rich assholes…not a bit. They had everything in the world that anyone could ever want, and they eat too much and choke on it. No one is there to give them CPR, b/c there is money to be made, son. Jersey Shore is a joke until one of them overdoses. Then it will be the story of the year. And it will make a lot of really bad people a lot of really bad money.
Before you romanticize Janis’s life story again, remember this: It would have been nice to have her performing alongside Amy at this Fender show. But she did smack, died, and then Bette Midler got famous playing her. She might have been able to talk some since into the young, amazing talent standing beside her….”Being alive can really be a bummer sometimes….but it’s always better than being dead.”
If Janis Joplin was famous today, an asshole on Sunset Blvd would be photographing up her skirt while she tries to get out of a car.
And that’s all I have to say about that.

Standard James Brown lyrics sheet:

“Come on. Whatca say?

Oh. Good God Come on.

Shanoke! Ah! Oh. (Repeat 4x)

Mmm…I said. Oh. Uh-huh. Ow.

(Repeat 16x)

Gonna ask the band here, if they want to, ah, huh?, go,  ha!, to the bridge.

Wanna go to the bridge? Huh?

Wanna go to the bridge? Yeah! Love it? Yeah. Dig it? Yeah.”

owwwwwwww! Uh-huh. (Repeat 4x)

An apology, as my first boss told me, “doesn’t mean shit. I don’t want to hear it”. He told me that if I ever apologized again for screwing up, I could go home. Sports stars run around on their wives; pop stars do drugs and crazy stuff; cut the apologies, and let’s quit expecting them. It’s all bullshit, folks, and it’s bad for ya. Carlin said that. Try to imagine him apologizing for anything. Yeah, I can’t either.

I see a lot of complaining;computer freezing up, nothing good on tv,mad about a Facebook UI change, dog peed on the carpet, etc. I just passed a funeral procession for a Marine killed in Afghanistan; The streets were lined with hundreds of kids paying tribute to someone they didn’t know. Try this:Clean up the pee, be glad you can afford new software and a computer and appreciate what you don’t have to worry about.

When the whistle blows each morning
And I walk down in that cold, dark mine
I say a prayer to my dear Savior
Please let me see the sunshine one more time

Chorus:
When oh when will it be over
When will I lay these burdens down
And when I die, dear Lord in heaven
Please take my soul from ‘neath that cold dark ground

I still grieve for my poor brother
And I still hear my dear old mother cry
When late that night they came and told her
He’d lost his life down in the Big Shoal Mine

Chorus:
When oh when will it be over
When will I lay these burdens down
And when I die, dear Lord in heaven
Please take my soul from ‘neath that cold dark ground

I have no shame, I feel no sorrow
If on this earth not much I own
I have the love of my sweet children
An old plow mule, a shovel and a hoe

Chorus:
When oh when will it be over
When will I lay these burdens down
And when I die, dear Lord in heaven
Please take my soul from ‘neath that cold dark ground

Yeah, when I die, dear Lord in heaven
Please take my soul from ‘neath that cold dark ground

I like to tell this story every Easter, it’s heartwarming: A few years ago, we were playing at the Robert Lounge on the Saturday night before Easter and did Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine. A woman at the bar who was real, real drunk and barely maintaining an upright position started screaming at u…s; “How Dare You?! How dare YOUUUUUU play that on God’s Birthday! Rararar…dribble, fall..ouch.”