An American Evangelical traveled to Uganda to give a speech about the evils of homosexuality. It went over so well that a month later, a bill was introduced that makes homosexual behavior punishable by life in prison, and, of course, Death. It’s good to know that we do still have some successful imports in bigotry and ignorance.
We just held a session of Canine’s Court in my apartment concerning the case of Houchin V. Dogs. The crime in question is peeing on the carpet in the living room. “Mrs. I-Don’t-Lift-My-Leg-to-Urinate, how do you plead?” Maddy looks away in disgust. “Not Guilty, your honor.” “The spot was plainly in the middle of the room, and Mr. Darrell is not prone to...
My Batman Closet
I hate shopping for clothes. If I had my choice, I would just have a Batman closet. One outfit for every day, maybe just change up the color of the shirt, or the band represented on it. On hangers, ready to go. Put on britches, Hendrix/Doors shirt, Chucks, then slide down the pole to the BatExplorer, and drive off to smack people in the face and hit on pretty, smart and witty journalist lady. ...
All those Republicans who were making out with voters about ‘Wall Street Reform, Wall Street Reform” all turned around and opposed Wall Street Reform. But make no mistake, they weren’t opposing the legislation, they were opposing Obama. But they passed it without you, dipshits. The “most sweeping regulatory overhaul of the financial system since the New Deal”. Pretty...
Palling Around with Dumbness
As long as Sarah Palin is considered a thought leader of the Tea Party movement, as long as people say that she ‘gets it’, I cannot take what I hear from them seriously. Many of them might see her for what she is: An ill-informed opportunist at best; a fear-mongering demagogue at worst. But, a good chunk of them seem to take the slogan ‘Palin 2012’ quite seriously. They...
Be Nice to Phone Reps, yo.
Just got off of the phone with my bank in Indiana and she thanked me for being nice to her…I told her that people that are mean to un-deserving customer service people are no good in my book; I’ve worked with and continue to work with the best of the best. She said I was the only nice call she’d had today. HEY! It could you be your kid or your mom on that line. Treat them that...
YOU MUST PUT UP YOUR SHOPPING CART
There are 2 kinds of people in America: 1.) Those who put the shopping cart in the correct place in the parking lot 2.) Those Who Do Not. —-In the grand scheme of things, if we had more 1s than 2s, our country would be a better place. A little action like that holds a lot more weight than what a lazy person thinks it does. ReTweet this if you would like: I really want to change this element...
I am Jack's Oil Spill
The oil company guys are pointing the finger at each other for the spill like grade school kids; “He did it! Please don’t call my Mom!” Quit accusing liberals of trying to derail Capitalism; blame the Capitalists. Think of all of the bitch slaps that the big C has taken; it’s not Tyler Durden hitting them in the face, it’s their own sweaty, cash-filled fists. I am...
Tonight! On Fox!
Legions of tv conservative talking heads spent 96% of their time talking anti-terrorism for 7 yrs. Tonight, their reporting of a terrorist suspect being caught after an attempted attack in NYC will be something like this: Find one statement/facial expression that the president made that they didn’t 100% agree with and boil it down to the conclusion that the Obama is weak on terror and/or...
No Shit, Sherlock.
Health.com conducted a study that concluded that Obese kids get picked on more while in school. In related news, CNN has concluded that drinking while driving increases car wrecks, crushing your hand with a hammer is painful, and the Taco Bell diet isn’t very effective. Discuss.